Gratitude

I don’t really think I’m cut out for the big wide world of work. I can’t gain a rapport with colleagues, as is necessary for professional services, and I’m small in stature and build, so I can’t easily do manual work.

But so what? To hell with work. I don’t care what people say anymore; I don’t intend going back to work, putting my health at risk just to cover living expenses.

Why should I work in an environment where people judge me for who I am and how I’m different, rather than what I know and how I contribute?

Before this entire fiasco with my previous employer, I was so ecstatically keen to get into work. Despite making 100 or more job applications in 3 months, I was optimistic that I would get my ‘big break’ and get a wonderful job, where I could work hard and be appreciated for the hard work I put in. Alas, it was not to be, and I doubt that there is a workplace for me. Or rather — I doubt I am suitable for any workplace.

What I do intend doing instead is retreating into education. I want to be a researcher in law. Sure, this is a form of work, but not the standard, generic nine-to-fiver that most other people have. I can put my talents into use and hopefully no one would give two shits about whether I can charm birds off trees or I simply grunt at everything. (In theory, at least.) And when it comes to talents, I am so very often reminded at how amazing I am at research. So I’ve signed up for a PhD, in a place I know I would be accepted regardless my defects.

My family accuse me of being a coward as a result, not willing to ‘get out there’ and do as the majority have to do. But then again, as I am so often reminded, I am not one of the majority. So screw these expectations. I am not on this earth to be driven mad by others who don’t understand me.

I am incredibly glad that I at least have a back-up plan, which may not be available for many other aspies out there.